Paddy's is a place where rules are just guidelines. There's a whole new world here between the door and the bar. Walking into Paddy's means you've left everything else behind and that really, all you want to do is have some fun. We're an Irish Pub. We don't do anything else. We've got a lot of good beer and even a few that probably taste better on the way out, but all we want is for you to drink. Drink our beer in imperial pints. 20oz glasses filled to the brim so you've got plenty of fuel to watch your favorite team lose.
Then we highly encourage you not to try your hand at our steel-tipped dart board. We do encourage you to try Karaoke, or cheer on our bands though. There's just one rule though, the customers and crowd are everything here, so we won't tolerate anyone trying to kill the mood, or, as we like to say: "don't be a wanker!". But hey, but if you're looking for a real Irish Pub, there's literally nowhere else you can go outside of Ireland.
Who is Paddy?
This first time he saw a Lucky Charms commercial as a child growing up on a farm in St Pauls, NC, Paddy knew an Irish accent could get him attention with the ladies. In fact, he would never again speak in his native rural southern accent again. However, there were times that the accent didn’t work. At this point, personal computers were becoming all the rage and Paddy purchased the top of the line unit with a new software program called photoshop. It was with this tool Paddy learned how to put his image into photographs of famous people, such as U2’s Bono.
This, combined with the accent worked like a charm or years. Suddenly, he realized there was many more women to meet than he had access to. So, with the idea of drawing women to himself, Paddy decided to build a bar. This way he could lure women in, show them all of his pictures with famous people and use his Irish accent! Paddy is the founder of the feast. The father the Paddy’s family. He is one of the most generous, people you could ever meet and he is always ready with a helping hand to those in need. His charitable works are too much to list here. Just ask him…
Michael Becker is a Fayetteville native and newly crowned attorney-at-law. He’s a self-made multi-pussyaire and quite a guy. Michael was our first ever employee of the month. Check out his roast from way back in March 2012 here. Mike is an avid golfer and enjoys trolling dating websites looking for suitors. He is half Scottish and half Jewish, and therefore, generally low on cash. Despite this, Becker has bedded a significant number of women, to include a few of Paddy’s past and present employees, as well as many of our customers. He is just beginning his legal career and has set up an office locally. He has decided to come back to bartend at Paddy’s due to a lack of quality in the females he runs into at the courthouse. He has recently completed his first book, “Mr. President, May I Please Blow You?” A study of the Presidency of Barak Obama. He is working on his second book: “I’m voting for Hillary, no matter what.”
A Fayetteville, NC native, Kelly is a full-fledged, card-carrying yummy mummy and baby mama, complete with a dubious, bad-boy baby daddy. Check out her Employee of the Month feature from August 2013 here. She is stunningly beautiful despite her protests and denials, and she is known to insult people, throw things and drive into trash dumpsters when she’s drunk. She works mostly on Wednesday nights during our Dart Tournament and Karaoke Competition. 9 out of 10 dart players say they’d eat a chip out of her knickers.
Cara has been coming to Paddy’s since she was a young lassie. She is one of the most beloved members of our family. At 4’ tall, a flat head, and with what feels like no teeth, Cara is referred to as “the perfect woman”. However, don’t be fooled by her diminutive stature: Dr. Who’s Tardis looks like a telephone box on the outside, but it’s much bigger on the inside. Check out her Employee of the Month profile feature from September 2012 here. If Cara had any weaknesses, they were repaired once and for all in the summer of 2015 when she took ownership of two large, brand-spanking new breasts.
Joe has lived in many exotic, and high-paced locales; including San Francisco, Los Angeles, and New York. He was in his prime in the 1970’s when, according to him, women would follow men home and beg them for sex. Check out his Employee of the Month feature from July 2014 here. If you want people to know your business, just tell Dr. Creech. He’ll get that shit out there in the world for you. Mysterious reasons brought him to Fayetteville. He will not discuss it, preferring instead to criticize and trivialize women, marriage and having kids. He refuses to even talk to women his own age, instead holding out for a younger, “hairy” woman. He is referred to as the “inventor of darts”, and he runs our dart tournament every Wednesday evening.
Jessica was born in California, but grew up in Utah. Ancestry.com recently revealed that she is part Spanish, Black, Asian, Saudi Arabian, and Pakistani. Check out her Employee of the Month feature from June 2012 here. She has served as Paddy’s right-hand woman since the Pub opened in 2007, which is a very important job, given how tired Paddy’s right hand tends to get.
Bald and blue-eyed, this superior Californian stud has spread his vast depths of knowledge on subjects such as full-on fallopian fungus, or the Venus Fly Trap, to big-breasted blonde women all across the fruited plain. He finally bagged a keeper in 2014 when he married his 4th wife, Shella, The Lady Meat. Check out his Employee of the Month feature from September 2013 here. The Lord designed the entire behind the bar set-up in the newly renovated Paddy’s of 2016, and introduced our unique, testicle sized ice cubes, which are available in higher-end liquors.
She moved to Fayetteville from Texas to find a military stud who could keep up with her. After several failed attempts, she finally secured one for good when she married Peter Korch, aka The Lord Meat. Check out her Employee of the Month feature from June 2013 here. A former customer-cum-bartender, Shella has looks and brains to burn, not to mention 34 DDD store bought breasticles.
Sarah is Delboy’s girlfriend, but shush, don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret. Nobody knows. Anyway, Dr. Sean McDanielz reckons he could have hit that if Delboy hadn’t slid in there first. This lovely lady is from Kansas, and just like Dorothy, she is following the yellow brick road of life, documenting the journey with vivid paintings and striking photography. Her work is revered in our community, and she is adored by her many husbands and boyfriends. Overall, she’s a nice bunch of girls, and she has a vibrator called Greg.
Pete is generally considered to be an annoying asshole. He’s generally drunk, and almost always completely full of shit. Basically, he came with the property when we moved in, and he cannot be killed by conventional means. Check his Employee of the Month feature from March 2013 here. Despite his many flaws and funny smells, Pete is a member of the Paddy’s family, and we love him; most of the time; well, some of the time; to be more accurate, once in a while; when he’s not drinking; or preferably, when he’s sleeping — this is what happens when you have one too many, one too many times.
Sean is from Dublin, Ireland originally. He moved to Washington, DC in 1966, when he was 12 years old, and so began his love affair with extremely healthy women. He’s a little weird and creepy, and an avid ass eater. Check out his Employee of the Month feature from December 2012 here. Upon hearing the faint cry of a female in heat, Sean has been known to disappear suddenly, often leaving all of his belongings behind, hence his Biblical nickname, The Rapture. His unique talent, sledgehammer wit and acute intelligence is an integral part of the visual and overall artistic presentation of the Paddy’s brand.
Shane is the head of security. He has been with Paddy’s from the very beginning. He still holds the record for the most blowjobs received by a bouncer in one night (seven). Check out The Emperor’s Employee of the Month feature from May 2012 here. He married his current wife, Nicole Stout, in 2014, after she agreed to regular threesomes and anal sex. In a rare and unprecedented move, Shane bought his wife two new breasts as a wedding gift. He even drove her to and from the hospital. He also hired a maid to help Nicole get out of bed every morning, clean the house, do laundry, make dinner, and attend to his needs.
A well-known high school football star from Laurinburg, NC, Antoine got injured during a sexual altercation with two cheer-leaders, and opted for a baby daddy position in several locations around the State. He currently lives in Fayetteville with two of his baby mamas, and four of his eleven children. Check out his Employee of the Month feature from October 2014 here. Antoine is never without a smile on his face or a friendly word. In keeping with black male tradition, he’s not a fan of oral sex, although he’s happy to receive it. He enjoys long, deep conversations, and romantic walks on the beach. Antoine is allergic to black women.
Delboy is a man of many talents, and diverse interests. He is the most interesting man in commercial construction. Due to an ex who is apparently not a fan, we cannot show his photo. She describes him as a “Cagey Ulterior Nutty Totalitarian.” The acronym says it all. Interesting factoid: Delboy is a distant relative of Professor Cuthbert Calculus, featured in Herge’s, The Adventures of TinTin. He talks like Dastardly and laughs like Muttley. Delboy lives in Fayetteville with his girlfriend, who he was banging long before she was his girlfriend.
Even though it rains mostly cocks and balls in our little town of Fayetteville, some girls do get hit with a brick. Erin got squelched a few years ago when she tripped and fell over her pint-sized, future husband Russ, an amateur window installer. She stays remarkably patient when asked to repeat her name over and over and over again. Check out her Employee of the Month feature from January 2013 here, when she was just plain ol’ Erin Burkett. Erin is the proud Mom of a beautiful little boy named Killian, who, unlike her husband, has left the breast.